20 thoughtful questions to deepen your relationship

February 05, 2024 | Amanda Cramer

Make an effort. Partners, find time to connect and have meaningful conversations. It is easy to become quickly overwhelmed with work, school projects, and family commitments. While these things can be positive in our lives, they can also extend beyond our comfort zones.

When we don’t have time to have meaningful conversations with our partners, our relationships can struggle. Even an effort that is one tenth of what you wish it was can still produce positive results. Asking thoughtful questions can open doors to understanding, vulnerability, and a deeper connection.

Consider exploring these 20 questions to foster emotional intimacy. Even if you have asked these questions before, ask again: Sometimes the answers shift. 

    1. What are some of your favorite childhood memories, and how have they impacted who you are today?
    2. What do you need from me to feel supported and understood in moments of difficulty?
    3. What are your goals for the future, and how can we work together to achieve them?
    4. Can you share a personal accomplishment or moment of pride that has significantly impacted your life?
    5. How do you manage stress currently, and how can I support you?
    6. How have your values shifted since we met?
    7. Can you describe a time when you felt truly seen and heard, and what made that experience special?
    8. How can we incorporate more gratitude into our relationship?
    9. Would you be willing to share any fears or insecurities with me that you haven’t already?
    10. What are your hopes for our future together, and how do you see our relationship evolving in the next few years?
    11. What kind of fun activities would you like us to make time to do together?
    12. What about our last year together surprised you? In or out of the relationship. 
    13.  What is one of your professional goals this coming year?
    14. How can we enhance our communication to ensure we feel heard and understood by one another?
    15. What do you appreciate most about our relationship?
    16. How can we encourage each other to practice self-care?
    17. Is there a book you want to read or a movie you want to see this year?
    18. How can we grow in our spiritual relationship together? 
    19. How can I make sure I am showing you love in a way that is meaningful to you?
    20. What phrasing feels most comfortable for you when I am feeling like we need to pause our conversation when things get heated?

Engaging in thought-provoking conversations can lead to a greater level of emotional closeness, allowing for deeper connection and vulnerability. This Valentine’s Day, seize the opportunity to have meaningful discussions that will reinforce the connection you have with your partner.

Amanda Cramer, LICSW, MPH, is an integrative therapist at Omaha Integrative Care. She loves the beach and spending time with her husband, two kiddos, and two pups. 

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